Monday, July 02, 2007

Reality...

I know that everyone has to come to terms with it at some point in their lives. I just can't help but think I've done something wrong. Are other people better actors , or have I just been markedly naive? I knew that it was dualistic in nature. Yet, I still neglected to brace myself against the abominable backhand it often gives after it sooths and comforts.

It's funny how things work. The fact that hell's fury and God's grace is all wrapped up in one, seemingly neutral, concept speaks silent volumes to the instability of life. At once grotesque and beautiful, simultaneously unfair and generous, concurrently simple and complex, it challenges forth, in each of us, the ability and will to tread on ground that is not only shaky, but (often times) barely existent.

Sometimes I am at a loss for words. I sit at the bottom of the barrel of my explanatory capacities and just cry, hoping and wishing that tears will communicate what words can not. But only fragments are received by those who aren't wholly receptive, and tears, in their purity, cannot reveal the truth to those who are not ready for it. So, my eyes dry and I get up.
Unless I've resigned myself to quitting, all I can do is continue to get up after I've (inevitably) been knocked down.

Shakespeare was right. All of life is a stage on which we are merely actors. As I said to a friend yesterday, I've decided to play my part until it is my turn to exit. Maybe others are better actors. Maybe I haven't been around long enough or lack the inherent skill to effectively and convincingly deliver my lines. But I will continue to hone this craft until I am comfortable in this reality/foreign skin.

6 comments:

Drea said...

You can't use the poor productions to measure your skill as an actor; but instead judge upon at life as a whole. A few bad acts only provide space for improvement. As my dad says about life, Keeping on going is better than the alternative. If all the worlds a stage then that just gives me one more reason to believe that all my wildest dreams can come true, hey and if they don't I can act like they did anyway: Everyone else does. :)

Anonymous said...

dont think of it as there being "better actors"....in "reality," there's no such thing. we're all just playing are parts, defining our roles and reciting out our lines. we shouldnt dont get caught up with concerns of who is doing what. we need to simply focus on what we are doing as individuals. life is all ad-libbed, not "the nutcracker." so when u'r worried next about "reality" or ur place in life, just ask urself, "who's line is it anyway?"

i have no idea as to whether or not what i've just stated has any relevance whatsoever to what your last post was about. i tend to have selective reading, and my thoughts seem to race from there (lol, sorry...im an airheard). but yeah, if this comment doesnt help, at least you were pleased with my "honest report of observed generalities." [i thought that phrasing was quite clever, too, so thanx ;-) ]

Clay said...

Thanx very much. I appreciate the advice, really. I'm working on it, one mistake at a time :)

Anonymous said...

As Snagglepuss once said, "Exit stage right."

--Nathan

Anonymous said...

Truth is a very funny thing. In a world full of deception and lies, an unyielding flood of falsehood, it is what many base their lives upon. But what is truth? Isn't it merely the aggreement with the standard and/or norms set up by a society that can hardly make up its mind from day to day. But here we are revamping the ambiguous characters we chose to play in the various scenes of our lives.

Some of us can hardly distinguish reality from truth due to this fixation to be accepted and belong. I for one can admit, without the character I have taken the task of portraying, I wouldn't know where to go or do with my life. Fear has hindered me in so many ways that its absolutely amazing that I am here able to admit it to you.

I applaud you for your bravery to admit to this and realize the underlying enigmatic truth in this world that surrounds us. Yes, we have all picked characters to portray, but those characters do reflect the truth to our inner being.

Clay you are an inspiration, and don't you forget it. I regret that our stay at Rutgers is coming to an end and we didn't have the opportunity to become closer friends. Your posts show an immense spiritual and emotional growth that most couldn't begin to fathom.

I must leave you here because once again, fear has lead me not to reveal myself to you just yet. One day, when you least expect it...

~ Your Sister in Christ

Nathan said...

I know I've already left you a comment, but I just want to say THANK YOU! Thank you for being there for me during this really hard period of time in my life. STAY IN TOUCH!