Monday, December 27, 2004

A few freely written words...(or whatever you wanna call them)

I'm sitting here at the computer....thinking about things.. and it seems like, just when i'm about to write them down for public consuption..these thoughts leave me. I by no means profess to be the most intelligent being in existence, but this selective amnesia from which, in times of open sharing, I often suffer usually results in me giving off a somewhat air headed vibe-- you know. Maby I should try something that i haven't in a while. I'll play the role of my 12th grade English teacher for a moment and try to rediscover these flighty thoughts of mine through a rant.. a tame goes nothin' (hopefully not literally):

...I've grown up. It's true, I admit it. I am entitled to all of the "privileges" that my 18 years of existence affords me, yet I still feel half full...half full, am I always this optimistic? I mean taking into account the old cliché' about a glass that holds a variable amount of something or other, does viewing life as partially filled and not mostly empty betray my true perception of the world, do I really see the world as a place that I will eventually find contentment in? Does the fact that I even think to ask this question disprove the implication? Am I making any sense at this point?--- It seems like I have an infinite amount of questions and have a comparatively miniscule amount of answers.--- My childhood was easy and I am blessed to have had such a solid foundation on which to base my life but now I feel like i'm somewhat stuck. This foundation is so sturdy and the weather has been so relatively fair in my life i've had no need to build anything on it. I've had no real storms to stir things up, and now, in the first semester of the rest of my life, i'm at a crossroad, because there is no crossroad... my main obstacle in life is that I have had no real, terrible, or common obstacles. I might have one or two things that nag at me but i'm unscathed on a whole. Is this a complaint? -- No. Just a somewhat negatively observed underlying theme. Am I happy?--Happiness is relative, but i'll be my happiest when my body dies. I am by no means suicidal. I'm a Christian.

In reading over this I realize that I have a hard time keeping a constant train of thought... it does all relate...somehow...I believe... oh well as long as it's coherent enough to make some sense to someone (even if that someone is not me) it's served its purpose. Who thinks in continuous, linear patterns anyway? There is at least one constant-- I have, am, and will always be a person who asks questions....Ya Dig?

Saturday, December 25, 2004


It's Christmas morning.. an interesting time to create a journal..especially an online one. I wonder if this is a good idea... allowing people to have a window into my thoughts. It's been one of the only things that I havn't given freely in my life. It's something that noone has truly gotten from me. Oh well... what is life but a continuous succession of trial and error. If this is an error... at least I'll learn from it ..heheh hopefully....