Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Another chapter...

I moved out today. It didn't hit me as hard as it did last year which proves that hindsight is not always 20/20. THis post will be different then the other ones before it. Recently i've been looking to the outside world to interpret what's going on inside of me. It's worked, but it's time for a bit of a change.

This school year has been one of, if not the, most ridiculous year(s) in my life. My grades suffered, I had no time to breath, I was running on four hours ( or less) of sleep a majority of nights/mornings, and I seperated myself from somethiung that had been in my life for the better part of two years. I laughed. I cried. I learned. I grew. And now, at the end, I feel that I have, for all intents of purpose, reincarnated into the me that's typing this rught now. I feel like a completely new person, and, inspite of ( or because of) a great deal of the heaven/hell i've been through this year, I can't say that i'm upset with the results.

If it were not for this year and the extracaricular rehersals that oten took 6+ hous of my day...everyery day, I would not have learned how to work under pressure that would have caused me to slit my wrists last year. If it wasn't for the hundreds of pages of books and paper after paper, I would not have learned to accept the fact that life seems cruel right before it becomes cruelest. If not for the virtually sleepless nights I would not have built the endurance to sit trough lectures in which professors seemingly forget to teach and continue on with self indulgent banter for entire eighty minute periods.

This year, if nothing else, proved to me the extent to which I will have to stretch myself in order to be anywhere near I need to be to do what i want to do in the future. Because honestly, I can't see myself being satisfied until I am better at what I choose to do than anyone . Call this attitude what you must, I know that it's pointles to try something unless i'm going to be the absoulte best I can at it.