I know that everyone has to come to terms with it at some point in their lives. I just can't help but think I've done something wrong. Are other people better actors , or have I just been markedly naive? I knew that it was dualistic in nature. Yet, I still neglected to brace myself against the abominable backhand it often gives after it sooths and comforts.
It's funny how things work. The fact that hell's fury and God's grace is all wrapped up in one, seemingly neutral, concept speaks silent volumes to the instability of life. At once grotesque and beautiful, simultaneously unfair and generous, concurrently simple and complex, it challenges forth, in each of us, the ability and will to tread on ground that is not only shaky, but (often times) barely existent.
Sometimes I am at a loss for words. I sit at the bottom of the barrel of my explanatory capacities and just cry, hoping and wishing that tears will communicate what words can not. But only fragments are received by those who aren't wholly receptive, and tears, in their purity, cannot reveal the truth to those who are not ready for it. So, my eyes dry and I get up.
Unless I've resigned myself to quitting, all I can do is continue to get up after I've (inevitably) been knocked down.
Shakespeare was right. All of life is a stage on which we are merely actors. As I said to a friend yesterday, I've decided to play my part until it is my turn to exit. Maybe others are better actors. Maybe I haven't been around long enough or lack the inherent skill to effectively and convincingly deliver my lines. But I will continue to hone this craft until I am comfortable in this reality/foreign skin.